Thursday, 6 December 2007

To be or not to be : to blog or not to blog

And why has it taken me this long to get a write-up of the debate onto my blog? Well partly because you either have loads of time to write a blog, but nothing to write or loads to write, but no time to write it. I've also been off sick recovering from an ectopic pregnancy, which was pretty scary.

I've decided to go public because I think that the taboo around some womens health issues prevents women from knowing enough about things like this. My pre-conception of an ectopic pregnancy was extreme pain and being rushed to hospital. I went to the doctors on Thursday to report what seemed like an early, light, long peroid. Having looked this up on the internet, my best layperson's guess was fibroids or early menopause. How wrong could I be. I was eight and a half weeks pregnant but with an ectopic pregnancy. My GP did a pregnancy test and suspected it was ectopic because of my case history. The other alternatives at that point were a viable pregnancy with bleeding or some stage of a miscarriage. My GP sent me straight to the hospital for a scan. After dashing home for my bike I cycled there in a bit of a rush to try to get scanned by 4.30pm when they shut. They took some blood for a blood test but didn't scan me. I went home with instructions to come back on saturday for a repeat blood test, unless my HCG levels were over a certain amount in which case I would be called in for a scan. So, next morning I cycled to the hospital again for a scan. I was then told that a "suspicious mass" on my scan meant that I needed to be admitted to the hospital and treated for ectopic pregnancy. I was transferred by wheelchair to the ward - this seemed ridiculous after having cycled from home not 2 hours earlier - but was also highly understandable given the seriousness of my condition. After more blood tests and consultations I was given some drugs to deal with it. I stayed in the hospital overnight and left on saturday morning to go home to rest and recover. I have to go back for blood tests over the next few days and weeks and may need further treatment. The worst thing now is the fear that the drugs won't work and I will need more drugs or far far worse - key-hole surgery, a thought which currently terrifies me. If these drugs do work then I have been extremely fortunate, I have so far had relatively little pain, although I am at increased risk from further ectopic pregancies in the future. I have never felt more fortunate to live in a country with a national health service and the technology to diagnose conditions such as mine which can, if not treated, be fatal.

so blogging isn't as easy as it seems, but then sometimes life isn't as easy as it seems. Sometimes life events serve as a wake-up call, my ectopic event has reminded me that the most important thing to pay attention to is your health. I do neglect my health, it has been very hard for me being a Pioneer Green in Manchester and a new parent at the same time. I have done nearly 5 years of the hardest things I have done in my life and at the same time. Too much stress, too many late nights in front of the computer and not enough countryside and excercise are all part of my neglect of myself. I have started feeling guilty recently about my decision to step down from being a Councillor. I've been enjoying the job more than ever recently, I will be sad to stop in many ways. But I can't have a second child and be a Councillor, I enquired months, (maybe years) ago about maternity arrangements for Councillors, I never got a response. I don't think there are any, I certainly don't know how it could work, especially for a lone Councillor in a split ward. So, I've made my choice and I'm going to try to let go off the guilt and enjoy the rest of my time as Councillor. I've got some goals to acheive in the next 6 months - but that's for the next chapter...

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